I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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