It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
