Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
