So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
