the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm both gender and math confused
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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