her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
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Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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