I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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