I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
