We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
