At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
