Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
ttyl tear gas
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
