I'm going to jail i love you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
