There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
