with your own penis?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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