You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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