she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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