i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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