I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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