Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
