Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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