I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
