I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sarcasm needs its own font
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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