I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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