Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
