Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
