The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
