You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
