I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it because I queefed?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
