When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
