She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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