I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
