I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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