when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
