Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
