You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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