just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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