If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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