Small penises have feelings too.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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