You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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