The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
