Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
