I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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