I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
