yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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