I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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