yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
