I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
