you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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