I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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