After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
