Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
