he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
