Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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