she takes plan B like it's going out of style
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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