also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
