I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
