Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
