Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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