You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
